This is a spoiler-free review! The version I am reading is an ARC -- any changes made for the final publication are not reflected in this review.
I am not exactly sure what I was thinking when I thought this would be a quick and easy read while I was on vacation -- it is definitely emotional and you see so much pain and grief that Griffin and Jackson go through that I literally could not bring myself to read it for a few days. I have read They Both Die at the End, and this book definitely is up there on the heartbreak scale, at least in the first third of the book. Not everything is incredibly sad, but the beginning definitely sets up Griffin's story to be a rocky road as he navigates life without Theo.
I was straight up crying from page eighteen to about page one hundred. I have no idea what possessed my body during those pages but my god they were so incredibly sad and heartbreaking to read. Since the book goes back and forth from two years before Theo's death to his funeral, it really tugs at your heart strings, especially seeing the life he lived and then immediately going to him no longer being there anymore.
Griffin is dealing with so much on top of Theo's death, and his character is definitely not the most likeable at times. You really see the way that grief affects him, and watching him struggle to make sense of what has happened really puts it into perspective on how grief is not linear and how anger and frustration play into grieving. Even without getting Jackson's point of view throughout the book, you can tell that his initial distain for Griffin was more out of mild jealously and feeling as though Theo would drop Jackson in a heartbeat if Griffin would get back together with him.
With Griffin's OCD, readers are able to see how his compulsions stem into his grieving and begin to take over his life and thoughts as he attempts to cope with losing Theo. We see him become more open about them as well, and as Griffin begins to confide in people about how he really is doing, we also see him go deeper into a state of denial -- I would even argue that he was trying to get revenge on Theo in some instances, even with Theo being gone. He becomes somewhat self-destructive towards the end of the book, and while understandable that he could not come to terms that Theo was not only gone, but shared some intimate details about Griffin, he definitely began to isolate himself from people who wanted to support him. It is a stark reminder that people are so incredibly individual and human, and without compassion and understanding from others as well as from ourselves, grief can feel so very alone.
Both Jackson and Griffin were using each other as support after Theo died, but I felt as though they were mildly competing with one another on who knew Theo better and who had more memories with him. When they would go out together and talk about Theo, it would feel genuine in the beginning, but slowly it would gain this somber atmosphere that would encompass them as they tried to grieve. Silvera did a pretty good job at depicting two different methods of grief and coping, especially when Griffin and Jackson were pretty much placed in the exact same situation.
I do not typically reach for a contemporary read, but Silvera manages to build a compelling story exploring grief and coping with struggles in a heartbreaking read. If you are looking for a quick yet provoking read on humanity after death, this is a great choice. With complex characters and writing that pulls emotion out of its readers, Griffin's story will certainly take you on a journey.
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